OWN IT UP

Seize control of your life by taking absolute responsibility for it.

My life sucks!’ was the status message of a Facebook friend. I thought to myself, “Don’t we all feel that way at some point in our lives?” May be, the intensity differs, but the feeling is familiar. But on deliberating further, a question popped up in my head: Who is responsible for your feeling? Exactly who led your life to a place where it now feels like it sucks? Was it your boss, your spouse, your parents or your in-laws, your friends, your foes?

The truth is that because we lead our own lives, each one is the leader of his or her life. And successful leaders take total and complete responsibility of the situation. Like a true leader, you can take total responsibility only when you accept that you alone are accountable for what happens in your life.

Now I’m not saying that you go on a self-berating rant and start finding faults within. Blame and responsibility are not the same. Blaming is finding fault; while responsibility is responding to something that requires attention. When you take responsibility, in effect, you empower yourself to transform whatever aspect of your life that needs a active, positive change.

So what keeps us from taking responsibility? It’s our self defeating pattern of thinking. This reminds me of a recent conversation with my cousin sister, when she said something apt, “A self defeating thought is like an ant. If you don’t get rid of the first one, very soon there will be this big line of ants that you will often find difficult to get rid of.”

People regularly lie to themselves. Some of the biggest lies that have a very high negative impact are:

”I cannot do this”

Let me repeat, since you lead your life, one thing is clear: You are a leader. And a leader is one who has a commitment to produce a desired result, even if it’s considered extraordinary, given the perceived circumstances. So, by telling yourself that ‘You cannot do something’ you’re lying to the leader within and dousing the fire and passion within you.

I recently got acquainted with a young man who works with his father. He manages the business exactly the way his father did. He has some great business ideas, but he believes he cannot execute them. He keeps saying to himself that he cannot do it. What surprises me is that he has not even attempted to execute these ideas, which could be potentially huge business opportunities. Of course, this is resulting in enormous [potential] financial loss. But to me, the greater loss is that of the opportunity for his inner spirit to express itself—the loss of a chance to build his confidence and for him to prove to himself the marvels that he is capable of. For only when he allows himself to get out of his comfort zone will he discover that ‘he can do it!’

Are there any lies that you’ve been telling yourself? Every time you catch yourself saying “I cannot do this”, ask yourself, “If I could do it, how would it be?” That will give you the courage you need to go forth.

“S/he is responsible for the problems in my life”

I have a friend who blamed her older brothers for where her life was before her marriage and then blamed her husband for her life situation after marriage. From what I know, the

brothers tried their best, given their circumstances, to provide whatever possible support they could to their younger sister. And the same can be said about her husband. He too gave her all the love and luxuries that any good husband could give his wife. However, here was a young, bright and talented lady who was not ready to shoulder the responsibility of her life and continued to pass the buck.

If you shift the blame on others for any issue of your life, you also relinquish the power available to you to transform that area of your life.

“That’s not true about me”

Every executive I know claims that s/he appreciates feedback. However, when genuine feedback is provided, the person dismisses it, and instead finds fault in what the other person said. Let’s face it—this is who you are in the eyes of the person giving you the feedback.

Whether you like it or not, accept it or not, the other person believes that about you. Leadership requires self-awareness and denial is one of the greatest obstacles that a leader faces in becoming self-aware.

“This is who I am”

That’s great! However, authentic leadership is all about your actions being consistent with who you hold yourself to be—for yourself and for others. If this is who you are, then let your actions show it and not your words. By claiming who you are, you have managed to

attract people’s attention. But when your actions are not consistent with your declarations, you have a problem now in the way you will be perceived.

According to L. Ron Hubbard, “Livingness is going along a certain course impelled by a purpose and with some place to arrive. It consists mostly of removing barriers in the channel, holding the edges firm, ignoring the distractions and reinforcing and re-impelling one’s progress along the channel. That’s life.”

So, identify your purpose and know what is that you want to arrive at. Once that is done, stay true to that purpose, remain consistent and rid yourself of all the distractions and barriers that prevent you from getting there.

Article originally written for The Complete Wellbeing February 2013 issue.

MAKE A POWERFUL ENTRY IN 2013

A fascinating year is about to end. It is only about a week before 2013 starts.

There are two things that you can do:

1. Make a powerful entry into 2013; or,

2. Float into 2013 and happen to show up in the New Year.

I am certain you would like to make a powerful entry into the New Year and make 2013 the best year you’ve had till now. If that’s what you are interested in, read on.

So that you can make an authoritative and a commanding entry in the New Year, it is important to do a review of the last year (2012) and take stock. I am going to recommend a set of questions that you ask yourself. I have broken these questions into 2 parts – one that reviews and completes 2012 and another set that helps you declare your goals for the next year.

It is important to know ‘What is so’ about your life at the end of 2012; and then ‘where do you want to be this time next year’ so that you can make an unassailable entry into 2013 and achieve the goals for the New Year. These questions will help you get a deeper understanding of where you are today and where you want to be this time next year.

I am suggesting this to you after having completed this exercise and I can state out of experience, once you have done so, you will be making a very powerful entry in to the New Year.

1. What have I achieved in 2012?

While answering this question, what I did was to break up my life into important areas and identified what is it that I achieved in each of these important areas of my life, such as: my personal life; my work; my health & well-being; and, Gift Your Organ Foundation (NGO);

Just writing down my achievements in each of these areas gave me a great sense of achievement and a lot of power to look at audacious and bold goals for the New Year!

I suggest you identify the important areas of your life and list out your achievements in each of these areas.

2. What did I learn new in this year?

I have a keen interest in reading and continuously developing myself and one of the ways I evaluate my growth is based on the new things that I learn. I can easily state that 2012 has been a year of a lot of lessons for me, a year of a lot of new knowledge that I gained and the most important recognition of how much I don’t know yet and still need to gain. The more I learn, the more I feel I don’t know enough and hence the more I want to learn.

3. What is it that I want to acknowledge myself for in this New Year

We perpetually see the good in others and compare ourselves to others. No wonder then that most times we fall short. This is the time of the year to step back for a few moments and pat yourself on the back for all the good that you are and all the good that you have done. I made a detailed list of points that I wanted to acknowledge myself for. I acknowledged myself for the various achievements of the year in different areas of my life, to something as simple as acknowledging my new found patience in certain trying situations. I discovered a new me in this process of acknowledging myself. Try it, it is a lot of fun, I promise!

4. What is it that I missed out on this year?

I missed out on a few of targets and certain self development goals. By simply distinguishing what I missed out in the last year, it has helped me re-evaluate these targets and goals and the ones that continue to hold its importance in my life have found a place in what I want to achieve in the New Year.

5. What do I want to achieve in 2013?

There are two ways to approach any goal in your life – one is to first identify ‘what’ is your goal and then figure out the ‘how’. The other is to first look at the resources that you have, the effort that it will take, and then determine your goal. A lot of people first look at the ‘how’ and based on the `how’, they decide the ‘what’, i.e., their goal.

I am firm believer that you need to figure out the ‘what’ first and the ‘how’ will take care of itself. Think of all your dreams, make them specific, make them measurable, put a deadline on these dreams and go after them! If there is sincerity in your effort, the universe will conspire to achieve these goals.

Break down the important areas of your life and identify ‘where would you like to be this time next year’ in each of these areas. Like I did while reviewing 2012, I have identified where I want to be this time next year in my personal life, my work, health and the gift Your Organ Foundation. I also included places I want to travel in 2013 and other fun things that I would like to do and people that I would like to meet.

6. What new do I want to learn in the New Year?

I have also indentified what new I want to learn in the New Year. There are some specific goals that I have for myself in this area and I am committed to achieving these goals of gaining new knowledge. There are some courses that I have identified and will commence in the New Year.

Feel free to add more questions if you would like. The more you question yourself, the more you will seek answers from yourself.

Once you have done this, one last but an extremely important thing that will be required is that you will need a structure of people around you with whom you will need to share these goals; people who will not allow you to be lackadaisical and will continuously remind you of each of your goals; people who will hold you accountable to take actions to achieve these goals.

I have created a solid structure of people around me and those of you who would like to participate in this structure are welcome to email me (sameer@sameerdua.com ).

I can guarantee you, once you have done this, you will not only make a powerful entry in 2013, you will conquer the year!

Make 2013 count in your life!

Good luck and have a blast!

‘I FELT MY FATHER’S DEATH HAD A PURPOSE’

In the last two years, one of the starting points of conversations has been the Gift Your Organ Foundation. Interestingly, I get introduced by my friends to people as one of the founders of the Gift Your Organ Foundation and from there on the conversations most times begin with Organ Donation, the organ transplantation scene in India, the work done by the Gift Your Organ Foundation and so on.

Last week, I had a close friend who had come over and was staying with me. He had visitors visiting him and I had the pleasure of being introduced to them. One of them was Amisha (name changed), a friend from Bombay. In this case, my friend had already spoken to Amisha about the Gift Your Organ Foundation and that I was involved with it even before we got introduced.

Not too far in the conversation, Amisha mentioned to me that her father’s eyes were donated and she had confirmation that two people got their eyesight because of her father’s donation. With moist eyes, she stated, ‘I felt my father’s death had a purpose’. I could listen to the pride in her voice and that pride to some extent had overcome the grief of her father’s demise.

That her father had to die was not in her control, but to give her father’s demise a purpose was in her control and she did exactly that.

In the last two years, I have seen so many such instances and each one of them is similar in this one sense. The family has such deep love for the deceased member and that love drives them to donate organs / tissues of the person.

Donating organs provides a new perspective to death. It provides a perspective of life after death, a perspective not of pain, but one which gives a lot of satisfaction and pride.

For information on Organ Donation and to pledge your organs, please visit the Gift Your Organ Foundation website. For any questions or clarifications, please email celebrate@giftyourorgan.org

GET ON THE COURT!

The India – England One Day Cricket series is coming up after the Test series. Imagine the first One – Day match between India and England is in progress. Sachin Tendulkar is batting and India need 300 runs to win. In the stands, there are 40,000 people watching the match and each one of these 40,000 in the crowd has an advice for how Sachin Tendulkar should be playing to ensure India’s success in the match. Some want Sachin Tendulkar to get acclimatized to the conditions, the pitch and the bowlers before he gets aggressive; some others believe that India need a huge total to win and there is no time for acclimatization, if Tendulkar goes slow in the beginning, then the pressure will be upon the middle order to score at a higher run rate in the later part of the innings.

How do all these views matter to Sachin Tendulkar? Zero! Nothing at all! Waste of time!

Tendulkar, on the pitch there (read on the court), will do exactly as he thinks he should be doing. All these views of the entire 40,000 odd crowd mean nothing to him. And thank God for that! If Sachin Tendulkar took all these views every time he went to bat, one thing was for sure – he would have not lasted for 20 years in this very pressurizing and ever demanding game of cricket; more so in this country of cricket freaks!

Let’s now cut back to your life. Are you on the court as far as your own life is concerned? Are you taking actions to deliver results towards achieving your goals? I want to you to really think hard about this question. Most people I interact with regularly keep saying things like, I have wanted to go to the gymnasium for so many months now but just cannot get myself to; or, I have been planning to start my business but am waiting for the right opportunity; and so one and so forth.

Being on the court means being in action and not wondering what people around you are saying. Listening to too many will shake your conviction and take you off your course.

Then there these others who do get on to the court, but seek approval, assurance and views from the ‘people on the stands’. Sure seek others views; and that actually is a great idea. However, the views that are important are that of your coach, team mates, captain (read Manager), etc. Certainly not of the ‘people on the stands’. (And if you do not have a coach yet, seriously consider getting one.)

Being on the court means being the cause in the matter. Remember, it’s actions that you take that lead to your performance. History is evidence of the fact that no one has ever won the game by being on the stands.

Get on the court and feel the heat! Feel the heat of the perspiration, feel the heat of responsibility. Remember when you last went to the gym and after a hard hour’s workout, you so enjoyed the sweat rolling down your cheek. That stinking sweat was very important to stretch yourself, and make you a healthier person. Similarly, being on the court and taking actions is extremely important in stretching yourself and making you a successful person.

The problem for a lot of people is not that they don’t know what to do; the problem is that they don’t simply do it.

PROFESSOR 'BEGS' IN LOCAL TRAIN TO EDUCATE THE POOR

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth." -- Muhammad Ali.

After many years, over 12 - 15 years maybe, I boarded an Andheri-Churchgate fast train to get to Bombay Central. I had about 40 minutes before my meeting at the RTO office at Bombay Central to meet the RTO to discuss the organ donation option on the drivers license in Maharashtra. I thought the train would be the fastest way to get to my destination.

What followed soon after I boarded the fast train was nothing short of fascinating. I was catching up on news on the Times of India Blackberry Application and reading about Ajit Pawar's resignation. I then noticed a 'beggar' who was well dressed and who introduced himself loudly in the first class compartment of the train in a deep, sure voice stating 'I am Prof. Sandeep Desai' .

Just hearing the word 'Professor' caught my attention. A Professor? Begging? In a local train? - and someone who spoke such immaculate English? He could get a job anywhere, I thought.

I was now more interested in what he was saying than reading about Ajit Pawar's resignation. The Professor continued saying that those who donated food to the poor, sort out their problem only for a day. But if the donations are made for their education, then it can resolve a poor man’s life. He added, 'Education gives you the power to change your life. So I have decided to set up one English medium school in a year.'

What? You identify a problem and then make it so personal that you beg in the train for money? How crazy is that? Crazy it is, because Professor Sandeep Desai went on to add 'So far, we have managed to start four schools in Maharashtra. The fifth school will be set up in rural Rajasthan. We have already bought land there and construction will start soon”. Four schools set up with money 'begged', and the fifth one in process!! UNBELIEVABLE!

He claimed to have won the Real Hero award by CNN IBN. Here was a 'real hero' begging in a train. I made a mental note to see if he indeed had won this award, and yes he did! I actually checked.

People choose their problems. Some choose their maids and drivers to be their problems; while others like Prof. Sandeep Desai make the country's lack of education their own personal problem. How inspiring! Next time, remind me of Prof. Sandeep Desai when I complain about funding for the Gift Your Organ Foundation. Or maybe, I will not complain again? Maybe I will just get down to business - wonder if I have the courage that Prof. Sandeep Desai has?

Post Script:

1. I was so inspired with Prof. Sandeep Desai that I completed this blog (including checking whether or not he won the Real Heroes award before completing my journey home);
2. However, I had to speak to this man - I found his number and spoke to him - if there's anyone who would like to support Prof. Desai's efforts, I'll be happy to forward his email Id and /or telephone number to you;
3. In case you are wondering - lots of people did put money in the donation box carried by Prof. Desai. And, he acknowledged, with the same grace, everyone who put a fiver, a tener or a hundred rupee note in his donation box. I also overhead a student volunteering to teach physics to the students of Prof. Desai's school.

Such was this man's impact!

LIFE IS A GAME

‘Life is a game. In order to have a game, something has to be more important than something else. If what already is, is more important than what isn’t, the game is over. So, life is a game in which what isn’t, is more important than what is.’ Werner Erhard

Life becomes very exciting when you treat it is a game. Our understanding of games is that games are fun, exciting and challenging. It becomes even more exciting when the opposition team is a good solid team and come what may, you want to win the game against this opposition. The thrill of beating an opposition considered better than you is unparalleled. And this is when the game is worth playing.

Consider now that your life is a game. Meeting your targets at work is a game; bringing up your child is a game; getting into shape and being fit is a game; earning an adequate amount of money to afford the lifestyle that you want is a game.

There are two types of games that you can play. One that you have always been playing every day, and even winning. Some people play the game of simply waking up in the morning and showing up at work. This is their game and they seem to be satisfied with this game. It works for them.

Does this work for you?

Right now, you are playing a game – the question is – Is this game that you are playing now worthy of you? Games have to be worthy of you. Can you imagine Vishwanathan Anand playing a game of chess with a local player and enjoying winning the game with him? Similarly, can you imagine Ratan Tata investing his time in acquiring a 10 -15 crore company. No chance! These people are playing games that are worthy of them.

The idea is to make it large; to make this game mighty; mightier than you are; bigger than a game you have ever played before. There is no fun in playing games that are not a challenge; that are not bigger than you are; and in effect; that which are not worthy of you!

Ask yourself, is simply going to the stadium your game? (and right now do ask yourself this question!).

I can tell you, if you answer this question honestly, a lot of you will say ‘Yes’ to this question. And if so, I suggest you get on to the court - Feel the heat of being on the court! Feel the pressure of playing an exciting game!

This can be different for different people.

Games are played and for your life to be a game, you need to ‘play’ the game of life. So, what does play mean?

The dictionary meaning of play is 'Exercise or activity for amusement or recreation'; now, look at how close the meaning of the word ‘Work’ is. Work is defined as 'an activity that is productive'. So, both words ‘play’ and ‘work’ mean ‘activity’, however, one is for amusement or recreation and the other is activity that is productive.

Now look at any successful person that you know off, and you will realize that this person did not differentiate between work and play. For them work was indeed play and play was work itself. They are involved in activities that are for amusement or recreation and are also simultaneously productive.

So, in conclusion, dismantle or collapse the difference between work and play. Go out and have fun. Make that fun productive for you; and so that you indeed expand, take on a game that you have never ever even imagined before!

I can guarantee you – you will surprise yourself!!

GET PRESENT TO YOUR INTERNAL CONVERSATIONS

Right now as you are starting to read this blog, there is an internal conversation going on in your mind. Your mind is perpetually in a conversation. Without you even trying, your mind makes meanings out of everything. It is automatic and you don’t even stop and think about it. The meanings that you make significantly affect the way you be (your being). And the way you be determines the way you respond or react to situations and circumstances.

Consider the last time you made a call and that the person suggested that s/he would call you back. You waited and waited for that call but that call never came. What meaning did you make at that time – that you are not cared for; the person doesn’t respect you; that person is arrogant; the person is playing games with you; and so on and so forth. The job of the mind is to make a meaning out of everything. And it mechanically makes a meaning out of everything, without you even realizing it. The real reason why the person did not call you back could be far from the meaning you made of it. But you continue to act in sync with the meaning you made. The important thing about the meaning you have made is that it changes the way you feel (your being) and these feelings change the way you interact with the world.

Stop reading this for a moment and think, right now, what are your current internal conversations? For example, your spouse may have said to you that she will not come along for dinner with you at your friend’s residence – what have you made of that statement of your spouse?; or your junior colleague told you that he cannot wait back to complete the task you have given her; or a friend has refused to go for a movie with you; or maybe a young attractive boy / girl has called you to say hello to you. Or anything else for that matter. Stop now and be present to what you are making of clear statements or situations in your life. You are a machine that makes meaning out of everything and once you are done with making meaning, the meaning you have made becomes your truth, on the basis of which you act.

The bad news is that these internal conversations are a part of you and will never stop. The good news is that you have a control over these. Being present to these conversations first is your access to altering these conversations. Once you are present to these internal conversations – you then have a choice to allow that conversation to continue or to alter that conversation.

None of the meanings that you make are better than any others in an absolute way. These are all ‘your’ meanings and not the reality. However, now that you have no choice and your mind is going to make meanings, you have an opportunity to train your mind to make meanings that empower you; make you feel fine and allow you to go through your day with peace and contentment. Generally, your mind naturally produces negative meanings and you then react based on these meanings produced by your mind and considered by you as the reality. Instead of reacting, choose to respond. A reaction is always immediate and normally negative. A response is calm, collected and chosen by you.

Be in control of this and choose your internal conversations rather than be at the mercy of these conversations.

Once again remember, your internal conversation is a matter of your choice – for your own sake be wise in making this choice. It is a far more powerful way to lead your life!